It takes a while to except that from now on you can't plan, you can't look forward to that day out tomorrow.. Because on this journey it doesn't happen...
Operation day...
The door opened, Bailey gave up looking up, the visitor was never for him, it was never a school friend or a friendly face with a box of chocolates... It was a nurse with a needle or nasty medicine that made him sick...or a doctor that would make his mummy hide in the toilet and come out 10 minutes later with some lie about her eyes stinging..
On this occasion it was the surgeon who was going to try and remove Baileys tumour...
He was very tall, very quietly spoken, very calm and I trusted him...
He handed over some paper work and said "with all operations there are risks, especially this one, Baileys tumour is close to his heart, several main veins and most of his vital organs, I must try to remove all of the tumour to be successful.. The risk is fatal bleeding" please sign here....
Again... I couldn't sign.
He shook chris's hand and took mine and held it tight, I was shaking like a leaf.. He said "I have children, I will do all I can"
Nil by mouth from midnight Bailey will go down to theatre at 9am..
Nil by mouth was easy.. He never ate anyway... Oh, except today..
It's 5am and Bailey points to a Cadbury flake, t
Baring in mind that flake had sat there for a week!!
Trying to take his mind off it was failing bitterly ... For weeks I'd been begging him to eat ... Now he was begging me for just one bite ...
My thoughts were.. What if he dies.. What if he never comes back from the operating theatre.. And I denied him a tiny piece of chocolate ...
Calling the nurse .. I asked if I could just give him one tiny bit.. "absolutely not" she replied...
This was killing me... He was so poorly, so weak, so thin.. The chances of him coming back to me were less likely than the chances of him having a problem from eating it xxx
As I wiped the tears from his cheeks I popped a tiny bit of flake into his mouth.. Knowing the risks.. But feeling comfort in the fact that he had what he seemed to want more than anything...
15 mins later... They came for him.. I toyed with telling them what I'd done.. But I stayed quiet...
I walked along side his trolley with his dad... Watched him close his eyes for I what could have been the last time... I felt sick, I went white.. I remember someone asking me if I'd like to sit down.. I just remember running towards the main entrance... To where Gav was waiting for me...
11 hours past.. What the hell did we do, where did we go... I have absolutely no idea... I just remember clutching my mobile phone.. Waiting for a call with news of my baby....
Bailey was in recovery...
A scar the full width of his tummy and a small trace of chocolate on the side his mouth ;)
And the desperate wait for the professor to tell us if he managed to get it all out...
Bailey was back in our room an hour when the door opened and that tall man walked in...
Myself, Gav and Chris just looked at him.. He smiled and said, "I believe I got it, all of it" Chris and Gav both stood up and shook his hand..
I couldn't tell you what he looked like.. But I could give you every details of his shoes... Because I dreamed of kissing them..
He said "right, I'm going home, I'm late for my dinner"
How normal for one of life's Heros.
Bailey slept for another few hours.. I couldn't wait for him to open his eyes and look at me , I couldn't wait to look into his.. Knowing that the primary tumour that had spread its self around my baby's body was gone... I couldn't wait to give him the rest of his Cadbury flake.
Bay woke up in a bit of pain, not as much as I thought... I smiled and unwrapped the flake and placed into his hands like it was a long lost priceless object... Bailey threw it on the floor and said he didn't want to eat anything!!!
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